School.

   I came to school this year expecting to be able to be one of the guys. Or at least to be male at all. I came out to all the teachers I have now at the end of the year last year- No I didn't expect all of them to remember and thus tried to remind them at the very beginning of class. Every one of them called me a she. I TA for two of the classes so I was introduced to 60 or so class mates as a she. In math I've know the teacher for a few years so she used me as a n example. And called me a she. So much for that huh? Now I am not a boy, not a girl, not even a gender to most of them. I'm just 'them'. Now, at least a quarter of the school knows I'm not just a boy with low testosterone levels. And I can't go to the bathroom at school anymore. Can't go in the girls, can't go in the boys, can't go in the handicap because their isn't one and really, to me, that's like saying being trans is a handicap, or an illness or something.

   Not groovin' on life so much right now.

Where the hell do I piss?

   It's felt weird going into to female washrooms since around grade 6 or 7 when I started to feel more like a boy. But really, what was the other option? I didn't look nearly male enough to go into the boys and anyways, at school everyone knew I was female, at least anatomically. Now that I've started passing more, I can't go into female washrooms as I am told to leave, or given ugly looks. I've even had a lady threaten to call security if I didn't leave. But alas, I don't look at all male enough to use the men's washroom yet. I was very happy to find out that on the ferry their was a single gender neutral washroom- It had both the boy and the girl sign on it so I assumed that meant anyone could use it. When I did go to use it the staff that was waiting in line by it told me to go use the girls washroom, that I wasn't allowed to use that washroom. I asked her "Why? And I'm a boy." She snorted and  said- No, your not. So, I can't use handy cap washrooms, I can't use the only theoretically gender neutral washroom I've yet seen, I can't use the women's washroom, but I can't use the men's either. WHERE DO I PEE?

Hey guys, I know I haven't posted for a while- Been busy.
(I don't even know who I'm talking to... Is there anyone reading this?)

Anyways... So I finished work last Friday, which means that I no longer have to pretend to be a girl 8 hours of the day. I wasn't aloud to be myself at camp, I was told that it would confuse the kids, put a bad name on the camp, and anger parents. The kids didn't seem very confused though, most of them said they thought I was more of a boy and wondered why everyone called me 'she' rather than 'he'. Kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for. I intend to apply for a full time, paid, position at an after school camp this fall- and I intent to work as myself.

I seem to be passing better lately (FINALLY.) I've gone from 'definitely a she' to 'possibly a gay boy.' Which is better than nothing I suppose. If anything I'm at least somewhat androgynous.

I will be calling a possible doctor this week to talk about testosterone and other possibilities as far as transition goes- Wish me luck? I don't have very good experiences as far as doctors go and am very nervous... I'd like to talk to my mom about this but she's still pretty out of the scene on this... I think it's getting better though. I had a long talk with my aunt a while back and she's been super supportive, and that's been one thing that's been keeping me strong lately. I don't have many people right now, and it's been so good to have someone in my family to talk to about all the things that have been bottled up lately!

So, I guess this is it for this update- I will be writing more often now I hope!
Also, I'm thinking of starting a youtube channel... We'll see?

Hope your long weekend rocks!

Hey guys- Or, whoever ends up reading this...?

   So I did come out to my teachers and more or less my school, so far there haven't been any problems for the most part. I am so lucky to have the people around me that I do, they are so supportive and encouraging!

   As for my mother... She's pretty much decided to ignore the matter. Despite the fact that she's told me I can talk to her about anything she has shut me down each time I've tried to talk to her. I asked her if we could talk about it, and her response was "No- No we can't talk about it." and she ran upstairs. Gee do I ever feel loved and supported. Very encouraging for my self esteem. So I'm feeling pretty shitty about the way things are going at home, but am hoping that maybe she just needs some time? Though honestly, I don't understand why anyone cares- a gender is a word. Why does it matter to her what body parts I have- I'm still me. A name doesn't matter, if I'd rather be Leo than Cadence, and that's what makes me happy, so what? Well, we'll see how it goes.

   My aunt has started calling me her nephew, my girlfriend calls me her boyfriend in public now; I am happy with the way I am and I hope sometime my mum can see that.

Hey guys, so- just so you know- I have no idea how to write a blog.

Okay, now that you know that... I guess this'll be a sort of intro post?
I'm Leo, I guess you'll want to know something about me so... I'm trans-gendered, and most of this blog will kind of revolve around issues that arise and experiences gained as I slowly 'come out' as Leo, when all people will still see is boobs and what lies between my legs.

I live in Victoria, which is fairly accepting, for the most part. (My current neighborhood excluded.) So far the people I have told have been my best friends, who are freakin' awesome and accepting, two of my Aunts (Not blood related, but good god what would I do with out them!) Both of which are some of the most awesome and accepting women I know and took it in stride after asking me which pronouns I preferred.

I also told my mom. She's asked me before, over the past few years, about my gender. I never quite knew what to say or how she'd take it and I really didn't want to disappointed her- I always said 'nope, not thinking about it'. Then when she left I'd have a good little spaz and it'd be good. Anyways, She was talking about all these clubs she used to go to when she was young- one of the best ones, she said, being a gay bar. Then she told me about this gorgeous woman she saw, and how she was one of the most beautiful women she'd ever seen, then she winked when she said that she'd noticed her adam's apple. After a few more trans stories from her I kinda, without thinking, asked her what she'd think if I told her I was thinking about, well, my gender. She kinda made this 'Hrm' sound, and I guess it went well enough except the fact that she made fun of my name, Leo, that people have been calling me since 6th grade. I like my name. Yeah, didn't feel to good. Then she went to talk on the phone for a while and hasn't brought it up since and... Well, I don't know. Not to encouraging though. At all.

Tomorrow, I'm going to ask my teachers and the rest of my friends and class mates to use male pronouns for me... And I have no idea how it's going to turn out. Wish me luck!