School.

   I came to school this year expecting to be able to be one of the guys. Or at least to be male at all. I came out to all the teachers I have now at the end of the year last year- No I didn't expect all of them to remember and thus tried to remind them at the very beginning of class. Every one of them called me a she. I TA for two of the classes so I was introduced to 60 or so class mates as a she. In math I've know the teacher for a few years so she used me as a n example. And called me a she. So much for that huh? Now I am not a boy, not a girl, not even a gender to most of them. I'm just 'them'. Now, at least a quarter of the school knows I'm not just a boy with low testosterone levels. And I can't go to the bathroom at school anymore. Can't go in the girls, can't go in the boys, can't go in the handicap because their isn't one and really, to me, that's like saying being trans is a handicap, or an illness or something.

   Not groovin' on life so much right now.

Where the hell do I piss?

   It's felt weird going into to female washrooms since around grade 6 or 7 when I started to feel more like a boy. But really, what was the other option? I didn't look nearly male enough to go into the boys and anyways, at school everyone knew I was female, at least anatomically. Now that I've started passing more, I can't go into female washrooms as I am told to leave, or given ugly looks. I've even had a lady threaten to call security if I didn't leave. But alas, I don't look at all male enough to use the men's washroom yet. I was very happy to find out that on the ferry their was a single gender neutral washroom- It had both the boy and the girl sign on it so I assumed that meant anyone could use it. When I did go to use it the staff that was waiting in line by it told me to go use the girls washroom, that I wasn't allowed to use that washroom. I asked her "Why? And I'm a boy." She snorted and  said- No, your not. So, I can't use handy cap washrooms, I can't use the only theoretically gender neutral washroom I've yet seen, I can't use the women's washroom, but I can't use the men's either. WHERE DO I PEE?

Hey guys, I know I haven't posted for a while- Been busy.
(I don't even know who I'm talking to... Is there anyone reading this?)

Anyways... So I finished work last Friday, which means that I no longer have to pretend to be a girl 8 hours of the day. I wasn't aloud to be myself at camp, I was told that it would confuse the kids, put a bad name on the camp, and anger parents. The kids didn't seem very confused though, most of them said they thought I was more of a boy and wondered why everyone called me 'she' rather than 'he'. Kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for. I intend to apply for a full time, paid, position at an after school camp this fall- and I intent to work as myself.

I seem to be passing better lately (FINALLY.) I've gone from 'definitely a she' to 'possibly a gay boy.' Which is better than nothing I suppose. If anything I'm at least somewhat androgynous.

I will be calling a possible doctor this week to talk about testosterone and other possibilities as far as transition goes- Wish me luck? I don't have very good experiences as far as doctors go and am very nervous... I'd like to talk to my mom about this but she's still pretty out of the scene on this... I think it's getting better though. I had a long talk with my aunt a while back and she's been super supportive, and that's been one thing that's been keeping me strong lately. I don't have many people right now, and it's been so good to have someone in my family to talk to about all the things that have been bottled up lately!

So, I guess this is it for this update- I will be writing more often now I hope!
Also, I'm thinking of starting a youtube channel... We'll see?

Hope your long weekend rocks!